The open letter

I would like to start with sorries.

I'm sorry that I couldn't make you as happy as you should be in a relationship. Probably even new friends you meet now makes you happier than being with me. A man who could not provide laughter to his spouse would not be in a relationship which can last long.

There are many things which I could do for you, but there are some things which you thought of as a major which I may or may not have noticed and did not do for you, for that, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I was indecisive. I just wanted you to have your choices.

Your smile is so much prettier now, I hope your next relationship would keep you smiling as prettily as you are now. Don't be the same as when you were with me, although I'm sure you would end up with someone much better than me. I'm just the lowest benchmark.

Hurts? Of course it hurts. Knowing someone is happier without you when you are together with the person. It's more painful than quarrelling in a relationship, even worse than the worst quarrel we ever had which included loss of emotional  control and physical hurt on self. This dull longlasting pain that chokes you slowly inside, it's bearable but barely bearable. Many thoughts just get to you and you try to fight it off like a fiery warrior, but end up crumbling as a tired one.

It was an especially huge tub of utter disappointment and hurt forced down my throat when I mentioned that there were a lot of things happening at work and you didn't care. Why did you even care if I wanted to ask you questions or not if you don't even bother to check about what condition I am in? it was probably because you made up your mind, or maybe you just wanted to give up. False hopes? What false hopes are there unless you are no longer interested? I wonder..

I'm sure that last phrase you left for me was not meant to be what you wanted. I just wanted to think that you want me to give up. But did you really wanted to give up because of your behaviour? Or because of the relationship with God? Or maybe you just met more better guys than me?

Whatever it is, come what may. I wish you happiness, health and joy.
Sleep early, it helps improve your eyebags condition.
Don't watch TV in the dark, you would be wasting the money you used for lasik.
Don't binge too much, it's bad for health especially with unhealthy food, just like how you always tell me.

Thank you for the 4 years of joy, happiness and lessons learnt. I may not be good at fixing things but I think I can fix better now. I think, I will stay in the generation of fixing things with the olden thinking.

The scrap book which I have you have many pages left. It was a book meant for continuation of our relationship which doesn't serves its purpose anymore.

I seriously don't know what to say anymore.

When things get mistaken and not cleared up. It just feels like a regret. Especially when one party is not listening. Ignoring just doesn't help. Neither does leaving things dangling.

It is especially hurtful when do much has been done to maintain a relationship. Although I'm sure it's not just a one sided effort to maintain, but a relationship ends when one person truly gives up.

When communication is simply lacking, and ideas are not conveyed, it will lead to true destruction.

Simply just feels that there is no one that can be trusted anymore. It just feels that my initial decision was right and this was a mistake that I had to go through

Really need a break. 

I just couldn't change my thinking, why is that so? 

“你总是怀疑我对你的爱，而我总是努力的证明我对你的爱。“
”因为我没有办法和你一样爱我的那么爱你“
- 16个夏天

结果却是因为逃不过自己的心。

”当爱需要努力的让自己不感到委屈，那就不是爱。勉强再多，只是互相折磨“
-16个夏天

当爱情不是两厢情愿，总有一方会感到委屈吗？如果你觉得你的现状是开心的，那么，让我知道，也让我放手吧。努力下去，只是互相折磨。

16个夏天之后的大家会是怎样的？而我呢？试着哭了，也试着笑了。却发现没有办法掩饰这感觉。

散场后的宴席，孤单寂寞。 尽管宴席如此热闹，却永远没办法淹没那快乐后的寂寞。
今天见到了好友们聚在一起，真的好开心。

但是，真正会让我开心之后，挥散不去的会是什么......?